Around Christmas this past year, I kind of hit a breaking point. Maybe a mid-life crisis of an overwhelmed mother, with 17 balls in the air and not a pair of pants that fit well. I wrote out some new year’s resolutions—all geared to make me a happier person. Whenever I write out resolutions, I also write out things that I want for myself that year. Usually they are very materialistic things like new Tory Burch's, a car, or a house we need to rob a bank to afford.
But this last year, my clowns of children aged me decades. All of a sudden I have allergies, want English pottery, and long for things that money cannot buy. This year when I started thinking of things I wanted for myself, it wasn't more followers. It wasn't more page views. It wasn't more comments.
I just want more time.
For those of you that blog, know the time that goes into writing a post, formatting it, uploading pictures, and responding to comments. There is something to be said for the days when the blog was much smaller and I knew every person that came to this page. It's not a big blog by any means, but things have grown much bigger than I can put my arms around, while balancing a full time job, two kids, and my high cleaning standards. Sprinkle in my control freak ways and how I need to run everyone's life.... and well, I am kind of short on time.
As I was thinking about the ways that I spend my time and what I would do different, it made sense for me to close this space. I had been pondering it since the beginning of the year, but finally around Easter, I gave myself today as my final cut-off date.
It wasn't an easy decision. There is a lot of history to this blog. In ways, this is a huge part of my identity. This little blog is a significant source of affirmation, the one thing that is all mine, and even a small income.
But I saw this quote a few months back and it’s been lingering in my head.
I know these are the good days. And maybe it’s because I know it to be such a clear and delightful truth that I am able to close this chapter. Instead of writing here and bitchin’ my way through the daily in and outs of my very simple life, I feel like I should participate it in more… soak it up for all that it is because it’s pretty great.
So with almost 700 posts and over 2.3 million page views, I am ready to take my final bow.
After five years of doing this before work and after the kids go to bed… I want to sleep in a bit, watch Mickey Mouse on the couch in the mornings, and relax with Chris on the patio at night.
Five years is a long time. I spent five years in college earning a Political Science degree that I don't use. Aside from forcing Chris into a shot-gun wedding, this has been my longest commitment. In the last five years, Haven has went from a newborn to a kindergartner. Olive was born. We sold a home and lost everything we had. We learned hard lessons of what is important, been blessed generously by our friends and family, Chris got his Master's, we bought a new home, took up running, and have lived a lot of life in between.
REAL MOMENT: How many diets have I been on in the last five years?
But honestly, I wanted to end this on a high note and because of the friendships I have made and how I have changed as a person, this blog has been one of my biggest successes.
I sent part of this in an email to a few friends the other day. I told them that I was walking a fine line between feeling free and doing the Kim K. ugly cry. I still feel that way today, so I apologize if this is briefer than what we both would like.
I just want to say a very sincere thank you for following along. Many of you have been there through the highs and lows, through the fad diets, the gains and the losses. Through new babies, house sales, rentals, and purchases. You have been lifting me up, making me laugh, and turning me into a better person. I promise that this is not goodbye-goodbye…. After all, there is still instagram and facebook.
When I started this blog, I felt very alone and sad. I was a brand new mom, shaking the postpartum blues, and just trying to find a way to connect-- an outlet where I had a place to escape. I found so much more. I found true friendships, but I really found myself again. It brings me so much joy that this blog, that started in such a dark, sad place... now has given me such a happy ending.