Hubby Guest Post: Life with your Wife on a Diet

Today I am speaking for the thousands of husbands who suffer in silence as their wife gets “fit.” 

Sure exercise is fine, run around all you want, (in fact run down to QT and get me a Code Red soda mixed with Strawberry Fanta…NOT TOO MUCH STRAWBERRY!! JUST A DASH!)  but, I believe women are mostly unaware of a husband’s life when a weight loss goal is in the air.  

I have broken down the man’s shattered existence into two main categories affected by women trying to lose weight: A Man’s Food and A Man’s Fun …Here we go!

A Man’s Food

It’s basically gone.  When my wife doesn’t want to be “tempted” by good foods like Cosmic Brownies and chips, she will stop buying any food for the house.  I’m fine with my temptations, I’ve got a strong will…I just CHOOSE to eat an entire box of Twinkies at one sitting.  But mark my word, I will not eat organic green beans, I’ve worked too hard in life for my mouth to suffer, also they probably have bugs in them from not enough pesticides.

I don’t think my wife has ever been happy with what she orders at a restaurant because she always tries to be healthy.  She will order something composed of vegetables and then pounce on my food when it comes.  I have to eat really fast or pretend I’m a knight using my bread plate as a shield and fork as a sword to fight off the dragon who steals my cheesy-bacon mashed potatoes.  I always tell Holly she could order the same meal I do, that what I would get some if we had two plates of it.

A Man’s Fun

It’s common knowledge that men hate doing stuff, even things they enjoy.  The only thing better than sitting on the couch, is napping on the couch.  When Wifey does the Shred every night, I turn into Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom.  Haven starts making chili that explodes while Olive runs from Jaws (the vacuum).  I’m always telling Jillian to hurry up.  Jillian reminds me of the girl that threw the dodge ball in gym class harder than the boys.

Our other MOST IMPORTANT fun is affected as well.  NEWSFLASH: men want to make out with their wives all the time, so we don’t need any other hurdles like you being down about not losing a ton of weight blocking your make-out drive, we are already competing against your family and the lady at work who said your name weird one time.

In Conclusion, I am totally kidding.   We know that you womens want to feel and look good, even sometimes for us.  But, I think it’s important for wives to keep in mind that we love you no matter what and a few pounds won’t change that, so don’t be so hard on yourself.  I think it’s great that so many sites focus on women encouraging each other and I hope you can all be successful while remaining happy.

Maybe one day if the Kraft single factory blows up, I may go on a fitness kick too.