Anyway, be sure to check out his Blog Design tab HERE... He did a few more over the weekend and they look awesome.
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Hello Womens,
I have the day off from work which is always a hassle for
Holly, because she has to think of extra things for me to do around the house
so that my “servant” skills don’t get rusty.
One of those tasks was writing a guest post, so here we go.
Today I went to Wal-Mart (amazing intro, I know, hold on, it
gets better) and I saw not one...but TWO men with their shirts off…for no
apparent reason…on two separate occasions (one when I went in and one when I
left.) Now it’s about 70 degrees here, so
heat wasn’t a factor. They were just in
the parking lot doing white trash stuff (smoking, looking at dog food bags, etc)
but it got me thinking about how Wal-Mart is different in a city.
I grew up in a small town and Wal-Mart was the biggest,
nicest store, so I didn’t know it was a gathering place of mutants, because in
a small town, I guess everyone is a mutant.
Well, here in “the city” it’s REALLY a haven for the unwashed. Everyone looks at you like that mean kid in
high school, just begging for you to say something so they can start a
fight. Also, there must be some type of
terrible tattoo organization meeting in the women’s shoes because I saw 2
Tasmanians Devil’s and the cartoon Calvin giving the finger. Yum.
There was also a big display of 50 Shades of Grey (convenient
how “Christian” Wal-Mart now sells them because they are popular). The book must just now be making its way to
the Hoosier side of life. I’m hoping
hair washing, teenage birth control and dental hygiene are close behind. But, I see this book as something interesting
because you keep hearing about all these women who are now sex crazed because
they read the book (expect for Holly of course; she has book ADD unless it has “amazing
narration”).
The general consensus from men is: “Awesome, we’ll take it!” However, I find it funny that when woman are
“exposed” to graphic material they start handing it out like the lady who gives
free samples of Pizza Bagels at Wal-Mart.
All the while men are thinking, “Hey! Smut has been around forever! It’s basically the reason we have computers,
phones, iPads, walkmens, and electric toothbrushes.” This book is no revelation, but if it’s
helping things, then MORE BOOKS FOR EVERYONE!... Maybe stories about Bill
Clinton in the future. J
Back to Wal-Mart, when I leave the store, another shorter
man has his shirt off and is running around yelling for his friend. I’ve been angered by waiting in a long line
to check out and yokels getting in my way.
The man yelling is annoying, so being the hero I am, I yell, “SHUT UP!”
then get in my car and quickly drive away realizing that I have become a what I
have grown to hate…and then I suffer another blow, I notice that I have been
walking around the store with a ranch dressing stain on my shirt….damn, I guess
there is a little Wal-Mart in us all.
Hi-larous! I freaking HATE that damn store, and I agree, there is just a little Wal Mart in all of us :)
ReplyDeleteThis post has me rolling!! I HATE Walmart. I havent been in about 3 years. I avoid it like the plague. Oh, and don't be afraid of offending the blogging moms of America. I'm sure I have several times!!
ReplyDeleteHaha! Oh, Chris don't you just love Wally World?! It's a dump here as Target is MUCH more classy. But I must give it to Wal-Mart: their prices are cheaper. I typically feel like the classiest bitch this side of the Mississippi when I am in there. And I agree - depends on where you live. If we lived in Arkansas where Wal-Mart is headqurtered, it's like friggin' Saks Fifth Avenue. But here? It's white trash.
ReplyDeleteIt's sad that I always try to "give up" Wal-mart, but I always end up going back! But, I do find myself saying "I should go change, nah I'm just going to Wal-mart" LoL Although I have never seen anyone shirtless at our store! The tattoos are my favorite part!:) Who doesn't love a good loony toon tat right?
ReplyDeleteHate Hell-Mart try not to go in there. I however will never forget the time I was privy to a huge screaming matching between two guys discussing how the other one needs some housekeeping skills and a brush up on a few other things wouldn't hurt. I about died laughing.
ReplyDeleteI loathe Wal-Mart, but it really is the only place I can get a jumbo pack of toilet paper, bananas and get a pedicure all in one stop. Genius. Not to mention, I can go to Wal-Mart in sweatpants, flip flops and a tshirt and not be judged. In fact, I'd probably be the best dressed person there! Ha!
ReplyDeleteThis post is hysterical! Walmart always ruffles my feathers all up, equal parts patrons and employees. I've always wanted to be incredibly rude to the door "greeters" who ask to see everyone's reciept as your leaving the store. Oh ya know, because I only waited in line for an hour to pay for all this stuff, because all of your employees are sitting outside huffing cigarettes and socializing with shirtless people. I applaud your fighting spirit!
ReplyDeleteLike most women in America today,I love me some 50 Shades. A ridiculously rich,handsome, age appropraite billionaire finds and average girl utterly irresitable and saves her from a lifetime of Walmart shopping hell... and in thus lies it's successs. Oh course Wal Mart must capitalize. The vicious cycle continuous. hahaha! Great post Chris!
Hahaha "There's a little Walmart in us all" Isn't that the truth!!
ReplyDeleteHilarious post Chris, as always! :-)
ReplyDeleteAmen! For all these reasons I go to Target. Or Tarjay, if you will.
ReplyDeleteHysterical! Although I have to admit, your post brought out my Wal-Mart anxiety... I sometimes suffer through shopping there since the prices are lowest, but normally it's Target for me. It's worth a couple extra bucks to avoid the full out panic attack I experience when I approach Wal-Mart!
ReplyDeleteOh and Chris... those people at Wal-Mart... you know, THOSE people... we refer to them as "Wal-Martians" ;)
Wal-Martians - too funny!!
DeleteI just LMAO. Walmart the hell of Oakville (where I live). Ugh... I can't even bring myself to go into the parking lot - because just like Chris the outside shenanigans make me all quesy - ugh... AND I do agree with Chris. Woman + smut = chaos. Too funny.
ReplyDeleteHilarious i tell you hilarious and he listed all of the reasons I stay as far away as possible from WAL MART
ReplyDeleteToo funny! Loved the post! :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Thanks for the laugh!
ReplyDeleteThe WalMart by my place isn't too terrible. Is that the one you went to? I mean it's no Target that's for sure but it's not the worst WalMart I've been to though.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, hilarious! I think the Walmarts in my town would qualify as the mutant gathering type (and by Walmarts I don't mean there is more than one, I mean that's what the fine people who work there call it. EX: "I work ta Walmarts"
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I too have a Bill Clinton love. I have been wanting to tell Holly about this after reading about hers. While I don't have him tattooed to my body, I did shake his hand..HOLLA (another quote by the people of Walmarts).
So funny, so true! I live in a small town, our WalMart is NOT anything to write home about. Acutally, it's the place we all complain about. And whatever you do, DO NOT go on Saturday afternoon. What Chris saw will not compare! ;)
ReplyDeleteWalmart is one of the nastiest places EVER!
ReplyDeleteI swear, Friday night while in Walmart, I seen Honey Boo-Boo's twin {{SCREAMING!!!}} while her tooth pick momma stood around looking at everyone else looking at her... doing not one thing about her obnoxious child! Then, over in the dairy dept. you have two goobers, one with buck teeth peeking at me and my two friends who were obviously goofing off making fun of other people we seen, make fun of us! Not sure how he figured he could make fun of us, but he did! Oh and don't get me started on the nasty women who walk in wearing their clothes they slept in the night before and all day long with their sweet house shoes! Do these people own mirrors? Walmart sells them! :)
As for 50 Shades, I am one to refuse to read it. I am a Christian.... by far not a perfect one, but I don't see no reason to glutter my mind with all of that nonsense. I will just create it in my own head and with my own husband! HA!
Hilarious!!! (And UGH - I loathe Wal-Mart!)
ReplyDeleteSide note: I hope you don't judge Christian's by what Wal-Mart does or does not sell/do. Christians are definitely not perfect (not even close, actually), just forgiven. :)
I don't understand the 50 Shades craze. It took me 2 months to read 5 chapters... If a book doesn't hit the ground running, then I can't read it!!! Now, Seduction and Snacks is my cup of tea. It's halarious on just about every page. I LOVE it. I had two sittings of reading and I am on chapter 10. Check it out Holly.
ReplyDeletePoetic justice, I'd say. LOVE the blog design. As you can tell, I haven't been on here in forever so I had no idea Chris was doing this these days. I may be wanting to change mine here shortly
ReplyDeleteDear Chris,
ReplyDeleteWalmart gets more entertaining the further south you go! And I was not a fan of 50 shades! Had to quit after the first chapter in the second book. It was getting on my nerves...is that bad??