Hubby Guest Post: You Know You're a Blog Mom...

If you are here, then you are more than likely a “Blog Mom.”  Even if you haven’t squeezed out a few pups, you are part of this community of crafters, part-time workout enthusiasts, and constant photographers.  As my college anthropology professor (who wore the same clothes every day for 5 months) taught me, each community has its own customs and similarities…But, you Blog Moms have surpassed being a community and developed your own culture.

 

Previously, Holly said that I have a “thang” for blogger ladies.  At first I was offended and hurt…and offended.  Like I was a contributor to this blog so that I could creep on ladies’ blogs in order to line up my next 5 wives based on your recipes and photoshop skills, in addition to being able to gauge the amount of time of our future relationship that would be spent on you taking pictures of yourself with a phone.

Not entirely true, I am actively trying to take an interest in what Holly does so that we have things to do together…(I read that once on a Yahoo Relationship Advice story…now being on that 5 wives list is looking pretty sweet, eyh?)

But, then I realized, YES, the traits of your group are attractive to us men folk.  Wanting to look good, being awesome at making stuff to eat, and having a focus on family are all things men like.  It’s a more traditional view of being a wife that some people have lost…not that it’s your job to do those things, but men are lazy babies and the more you can do to take care of us, the better…damn women’s lib, ruined my apron fetish…

As I was telling this to my wife, she said I should write a post called, "You might be a blog mom if..." I was a little hurt, by the fact that she sees my comedic styling’s most similar to Jeff Foxworthy. But, I fought through the pain and thought of multiple ways you wacky women are alike and insane.

(read italicized parts as a woman)

You might be a Blog Mom if...

1. You make your dog wear a chevron sweater and say you are a Dog Mom.  “I love my dog as much a child!”  …then you have a child… “Get that damn dog out of here, the baby is sleeping!”

2. Several of your kid's school items were bought from an Etsy shop with Poppy, Corner, or Place in the title… “Mommy I want a Power Rangers pencil box!”…“No, you will be using this hand crafted cloth box that looks like an owl, it’s much cuter!”

3. You are never surprised by pictures on a blog because you have seen them on instagram, Facebook, and twitter. “But the dog was lying by the baby on the ground! Every media outlet must be notified!!!”

4. You go to your “frienemie’s” blog more than your friend’s blog to judge her and try of think of comments to leave that let you know you are on to her bullshit.  “I know that skank did not just copy the custom font from MY tervis tumbler!”

5. You post pictures of the "healthy" food you eat... “This is my lunch everybody, half a grape and 3 weeds from the back yard…hmm they take up most of my plate, I won’t include the Reese’s pumpkins family pack I just ate in the picture.”

6. You post pictures of yourself after you are sweaty. “Here is picture of me with wet armpits…you can’t see the swamp-ass, but trust me, it’s there.”

7. You have a Pintrest category dedicated to how you will decorate "future things" like a wedding, house, or kids. “If I ever have 7 kids we will all do this candle making project on the beach! Each family member’s candle will look like a character from Full House…I get dibs on Danny.”

8. Your mood is based on the amount of comments your post gets. “Don’t talk to me today, I only got 3 comments and one was from a frienemy trying to call me on my bullshit!”

9. On your blog you talk “gangster/frat-boy/sailor” when in real life you are a mild mannered woman who enjoys looking at pictures of food.  “Listen up biz-atches, shit is about to get rizeal up in herrrrrre!  I’m a 22 year old white girl who wears the Lauren Conrad collection from Kohl’s but I also talk strizeeet.”

 

10. You love to say AMAZEBALLS and use it every chance you get!  “That macaroni looks amazeballs!” “This picture of a cat is amazeballs!”  “Your foot fungus is clearing up?!?! A-M-A-Z-E-B-A-L-L-S!!!!!”

 

But seriously, you women are part of a fantastic community and I think it’s awesome that you have a place to meet new friends and backhandedly brag about the everyday events in your life.

 Feel free to share this list with all blog womens!...I want some frienemies…and a healthy candidate pool for my future wife list.

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Chris was tagged on a #WIND post by Darci on instagram last night... He had no idea what it meant, but he ran with his idea. :)