Thank you for all of your sweet comments on Friday. You all sure know how to talk a girl off the ledge on a bad day.
I honestly wasn't expecting this kind of diagnosis at the appointment. I hadn't even called any of my friends to tell them about the appointment.
I had made the blog post last Monday about her pediatrician noticing something, but after a few messages/emails, I was thinking it was no big deal. She might have to do eye drops or a patch-- that would be OK.
Even going to the appointment on Thursday, I was so naive. I didn't even know the appointment was at St. Louis Children's Hospital. I had a doctor's name and his phone number-- that's it. I called his office to get their address and was kind of shocked when I realized it would be at Children's. I honestly thought I was going to a chain eye care place for kids. St. Louis Children's Hospital is huge-- like a very colorful mall. I didn't even have the stroller with me. I just thought I was popping in an office and popping back out.
At one point, in the middle of all of the tests, they gave us a 30 minute break. I carried Olive in her car seat to the nearest restroom. We sat outside on the floor and we both started crying. It was too much for me. And way too much for girl friend.
So I apologize to the friends and family members that found out about Olive through this blog. I didn't have it in me to make a phone call. I barely got through typing out the post without going into a crying fit. I don't know how to explain her condition or why it happened.
Slowly calls started coming in... It was easier to talk knowing they had read some background. One friend called and cried with me. She understood that I was 'mourning.' That it felt like I had lost something. She even sent flowers. :)
About an hour later another friend called. She pretty much told me to suck it up and put on my big girl pants-- Olive would be fine.
It's good to have both kinds of friends. :)
And for anyone that needs reminded that God has a sense of humor... I went to the grocery store Friday night before I picked up the kids from school. I didn't have a list, I ignored my budget, and I just started tossing stuff into my cart. A 12 pack of Busch-heavy? Don't mind if I do. Only to get home and realize that I bought non-alcoholic beer!
We were able to get into the ophthalmologist yesterday at St. Louis Children's Hospital. After a few tests, it was confirmed what her pediatrician saw last Friday; she has ocular albinism and sensory nystagmus.
Ocular albinism means that she is lacking pigment behind her eye, which causes poor vision.
The nystagmus is the jittery movement in her eye, causing them to move back and forth/ up and down without control.
She will be able to get surgery when she is about two years old to move the focus to the front, but the nystagmus (jittery eyes) will always be present.
I went into my Oprah Winfrey ugly cry after the tests.
I feel like this post could be so long, but I'm in the middle of a pity party and can't really put in words everything that I am feeling.
We go back in June for a VEP (Visual Evoked Potential) test.
Both of the specialists at Children's were so impressed that our pediatrician noticed this during a 4month checkup. I didn't really think I had noticed anything until I started telling people about her appointment.
My sister said she noticed it.... Then my aunt said she had noticed it, too. When I picked Olive up from daycare yesterday for the appointment, her teacher said she could tell irregular eye movement.
Then all of this was just sitting on me during the appointment. Why didn't I see it? And after some reflection, I now understand that this was denial. I've seen other blog friends post pictures of their babies, who are around Olive's age, and I've noticed their babies look more alert. Why wasn't Olive looking at the camera? Why is she always trying to find my voice when I am in front of her?
I know that Olive will be fine. She is normal; she will be normal. It just hurts. It hurts to think that she won't ever be able to drive, to see the little details, and that she will have to go through so many more eye tests than what one ever should endure.
But to end this on a happier note, I found these videos of other girls with the same eye issues. Youtubing videos could have been really bad in my boo-hoo state, but these videos made me smile.
And for some really funny blog humor.... On my last post, my friend, Tots, left me a comment about an eye specialist that she prefers at Children's. I replied back to her and told her how I am going to that office, but just a different doctor.
Well, the first doctor that we saw was the doctor that Tots really liked {and Tots, you are absolutely right about him-- what a gem!}. Anyway, I told him that I had made a blog post about our visit and my friend was hoping that I would get him as a specialist. He then goes over to a computer and asks for my blog address. He pulls up the post... and all I could think about was my Biggest Loser weight loss photos. All I could do was silently pray that he wouldn't scroll down another post.
I took Olive to her 4 month check up on Friday. Her pediatrician shined a light into her eyes and noticed something. Any time you hear that something might be wrong with your child {at least for me}, you can go into a shut-down mode.
I went into shut down mode.
He thinks that she has some eye condition that some albino people are born with that causes them to have poor vision. Her eyes tend to move back and forth... and sometimes, in different directions. It's not all of the time, but we have noticed it here and there. I thought it was because she was just a newborn trying to gain focus.
So then I call my sister, Noel. You can read all about Noel HERE, HERE, and HERE. She is a real gem. She was like, "Yeah, I noticed that, too. And it reminded me of MTV's True Life, 'I am an Albino,' where this lady had crazy eyes and couldn't focus."
Oh, Noel, you know how to make me feel good. Anyone who has ever met Noel is probably laughing right now. Everyone else is feeling sorry for me.
Olive's eye appointment is next week. I wish it was today so that this anxious feeling would shake.
In the meantime, Chris got snipped on Friday, which only added to the family circus we had Friday night. :)
He gets annoyed when I talk about his bowel movements and functioning organs, but it's my blog... and I do what I wannttt.
I have my hair appointment tonight. It's my every-8-week-overpriced treat to myself. By week seven, I'm feeling like a troll, so after tonight, I'll be back to Happy Holly again {and broke, right Amy?}.
Do you ever wonder if you're on a hidden camera show?
If someone was watching everything that I have consumed in the last three days, it would be horrifying- to say the least. I even went as far as shutting myself in the bedroom and eating candy alone, so that I wouldn't have to share the Reese's eggs with my three year old.
Shameful.
My in-laws get the adult kids Easter baskets too. These were in mine. Be still my heart. I am a President fanatic. In fact, my birthday is next month if anyone reading wants to throw this party for me. :)
And of course... and Stanfield family picture.
Beautiful Easter. Now back to the gym tonight to sweat out all of the milk chocolate covered goodness.
On Monday, when I was at the grocery store drooling over Reese Klondike bars, some hoo-haa hit Chris' parked car in the parking lot. For whatever reason, I decided to drive his toaster (Scion xb)-- doesn't happen often.
Side story: The first night I hung out with him, we were all talking about cars. Someone mentioned the Scion xb's and I shouted, "People who drive those clearly need attention!" Then on our first real (sober) date, he pulled up at the zoo in his Scion. I could have died.
Ok... back to my story.
So, I'm walking out of the store towards the toaster that was parked in New/Expectant Mother's parking space. Why? Because I'm a fatty-- gotta get close!
Then, this older lady stops me in the parking lot and asked me if the toaster was my car. Yes, yes it is. She then tells me that she saw/heard another lady hit my car. She said this lady is still sitting in her car.
Oh, fantastic.
So, I check out the damage and knock on her window. I ask her if she hit my car and she said yes. She then tells me that she was actually in the middle of writing me a note.
Oh, isn't that lovely?
She finally gets out of the car and tells me how she just got her car that day. I feel a little sorry for her, but she was kind of being pissy with me. She wrote out her insurance information and I headed home.
Do you know where this is going??
I call her insurance company to verify that she was covered and give them my statement. They said an adjuster would be calling me within 24 hours.
Tuesday morning, I tell the girls at work all about it. I was talking about how it's just a small dent and it was her first day owning the car... ba ba blah... maybe we should just let it go?? No blood, no injuries, no foul. The car is pretty scratched and dented on it's own-- someone keyed the whole drivers side when we were at a casino... and then a construction cone had blown out in the middle of the highway and Chris could either hit it or run off the road. We've never turned anything in because we didn't want our insurance to go up.
BUT THEN......
Her insurance company calls. They had went over my statement and then called her. She told them that I backed into her!! Ahhhh... The audacity.
IT'S ON.
And now the funny part of Holly Stanfield Toaster Saga...
The guy that came from their Claims Department to look at my car.... His last name was DINGMAN!!
This is my Grandpa Davison. He is 81 years old and went zip lining in Costa Rica last week. He raised six girls by himeself, so I would assume he has done more scary things.
We bought Haven a trampoline. I left the back door open while I was finishing up a cake. Chris comes in the kitchen and was like, "Do you see Haven? He is outside on the trampoline NAKED." My little free bird... singing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat."
Saw these at the grocery store, but had self control. Then as I was walking out of the store, some lady hit my parked car. Actaully, it was Chris' car... She hit the toaster! I wanted to walk back in and buy these, but instead went home and had a beer {and called the insurance adjuster-- fun, fun}.
Easter bunny pictures! :)
I made my nephew, Blaine, a DS cake for his birthday. It was my first time using cake flour and it tasted like a Texas sheet cake.
That's all of the random feel-good stuff for the day. Happy Tuesday!!
On Saturday, I finally hit the 25lb mark and I'm back at pre-pregnancy weight {and Beyonce hasn't left my head}. I celebrated by eating homemade coconut cake at my Aunt Denise's. And when that cake hit my lips.... It was ovvvaaa. :)
25 lb recap... First 15 HERE and pounds 15-20 HERE.
I wish I would have been more consistent in taking the pictures, but I think the difference is still there. I'm wearing the same pants and sports bra in all of the pictures. And man, oh man,... were these pants working hard at 170?!
I started The Shred again this month... April has 30 days and its first day was a Sunday. I don't know how many of you are calendar obsessive as I am, but I really like months like this.
My goal is to really target my middle section; it's still really soft and wiggly. Hopefully the next 10 lbs will be sucked from that area and tightened.
