Aly-miester!

I'm guest posting for the blog-famous Aly today! Do you know of Aly? She is a wise-cracking, animal loving, drop dead gorgeous blogger from Indy.

I love a good ole' mid-west girl.

Click over here to read, in detail, the few things I'm snobby about. This is just scratching the surface people... you would think there were silver spoons in Hillbilly-ville. :)

Tootles!

Fitness Update and Randoms

Did you notice the new blog design? Chris stayed up all night trying to read my mind and make it just right... We still have to tweak a few things tonight. He doesn't know that yet.

If you are interested in a blog design, shoot me an email. I'm putting him to work. My PayPal account needs some Zappos money.

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I'm still doing the Shred. My calendar says I am going to be done on Sept 13th.

I hate it. I really don't even want to finish.

This sounds bad... But I don't think it's hard enough... Kind of boring.

What is the point in doing the knee circles? I haven't lost any weight, but my pants are fitting better... I think my stomach is less kangaroo-ish.

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I did Emily's version of the Beginner's Treadmill Work out yesterday. Then I sent her a lovely picture because we're good friends like that.

I have a gym in my work building the next wing down, so I've been going over lunch.

My #7 fear in life is getting an office butt. This needs to be known.

You all know the kind of flap jack butt I'm talking about.

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I'm quitting Twitter today. I tried to be cool, but I'm only checking it for Big Brother updates from people who subscribe to the live feeds.

Any BB fans? Who is your favorite? I'm still loving Frank.

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My friend Amy always takes such cute pictures of her baby, Jackson. So I guilt tripped her into taking some family pictures for me.

I coordinated some outfits, put the fear of God into my toddler to smile, and then it started to pour. And my hair that I spent 40 minutes smoothing out got fuzzy. Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear and that bear was named Holly Stanfield.

Anyway, here are a few of the pictures.

Thanks again, Amy! :)

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Happy Wednesday, everyone!

Hubby Guest Post: Life with your Wife on a Diet

Today I am speaking for the thousands of husbands who suffer in silence as their wife gets “fit.” 

Sure exercise is fine, run around all you want, (in fact run down to QT and get me a Code Red soda mixed with Strawberry Fanta…NOT TOO MUCH STRAWBERRY!! JUST A DASH!)  but, I believe women are mostly unaware of a husband’s life when a weight loss goal is in the air.  

I have broken down the man’s shattered existence into two main categories affected by women trying to lose weight: A Man’s Food and A Man’s Fun …Here we go!

A Man’s Food

It’s basically gone.  When my wife doesn’t want to be “tempted” by good foods like Cosmic Brownies and chips, she will stop buying any food for the house.  I’m fine with my temptations, I’ve got a strong will…I just CHOOSE to eat an entire box of Twinkies at one sitting.  But mark my word, I will not eat organic green beans, I’ve worked too hard in life for my mouth to suffer, also they probably have bugs in them from not enough pesticides.

I don’t think my wife has ever been happy with what she orders at a restaurant because she always tries to be healthy.  She will order something composed of vegetables and then pounce on my food when it comes.  I have to eat really fast or pretend I’m a knight using my bread plate as a shield and fork as a sword to fight off the dragon who steals my cheesy-bacon mashed potatoes.  I always tell Holly she could order the same meal I do, that what I would get some if we had two plates of it.

A Man’s Fun

It’s common knowledge that men hate doing stuff, even things they enjoy.  The only thing better than sitting on the couch, is napping on the couch.  When Wifey does the Shred every night, I turn into Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom.  Haven starts making chili that explodes while Olive runs from Jaws (the vacuum).  I’m always telling Jillian to hurry up.  Jillian reminds me of the girl that threw the dodge ball in gym class harder than the boys.

Our other MOST IMPORTANT fun is affected as well.  NEWSFLASH: men want to make out with their wives all the time, so we don’t need any other hurdles like you being down about not losing a ton of weight blocking your make-out drive, we are already competing against your family and the lady at work who said your name weird one time.

In Conclusion, I am totally kidding.   We know that you womens want to feel and look good, even sometimes for us.  But, I think it’s important for wives to keep in mind that we love you no matter what and a few pounds won’t change that, so don’t be so hard on yourself.  I think it’s great that so many sites focus on women encouraging each other and I hope you can all be successful while remaining happy.

Maybe one day if the Kraft single factory blows up, I may go on a fitness kick too.

Wedding Tales

I've written a little bit about our wedding on the blog before. Becky is doing a link up and asking everyone to share their wedding stories.

Chris and I planned a wedding in a month, with $800 borrowed from his parents.

We had been dating for seven months when Chris proposed. We had pretty much been talking about getting married since the night that we met, but our lives, outside from each other, were up in the air.

Chris had just moved to St. Louis after getting a divorce from his college sweetheart. After being together for four years, the marriage only last six months before they realized that it wasn't what life had planned for them.

My friend, Betsy, was calling me over Christmas break wanting to hang out. She had a met a new guy, and like most of her relationships in college, I got to be her chubby third wheel. To make a long story short, Betsy had accepted a job out of town and was moving. Another friend and I drove across St. Louis on New Year's Eve to say goodbye to her.

At the bar, I was introduced to Chris. He was the best friend of the guy Betsy was kind of dating.

You can read a little about that first impression HERE.

Betsy didn't tell me about Chris just getting divorced. I am so glad she didn't. She wanted me to get to know him for him, without any judgment. I remember on our first date, which included two of my girlfriends, he got up and went to the bathroom. While he was gone, she told me about HIS BIG SHOCKING DIVORCE back story. I think at that point, I just thought he was so cute, that I didn't care.

About five months into dating, we found out I was pregnant. We both broke our leases and got a place together. In the meantime, he had proposed. He still tells me that he wanted to anyway, but the pregnant, hormonal Holly just felt like I had trapped him.

After extreme backlash from my family, especially from my mother who has been married four times, we decided to get married in October.

We had just enough money to have a small, 50 person wedding.

We were married outside, at dusk, in front of a pond.

I found the pastor and violinist on Craigslist.

Then we took everyone to a winery for dinner.

After dinner, we stayed at a local casino. {Am I fitting the stereotype yet?}. We sat in the car and opened up all of our cards, just hoping to have enough money to pay for a room. We mingled with our friends a bit and then went up to our room. I asked Chris to go get me a piece of cheesecake. By the time he returned, pregnant Holly was asleep. Such a classy bride.

The point in me sharing my story is that happily ever after comes in all different ways.

Like a quote from my favorite movie... "Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what-have-you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. "

I love you, Chris. Thank you for making me feel beautiful every day.

The Gym I Started and Quit

There is this gym by my house.

Members of this gym are often seen pushing tractor tires around the parking lot.

There was once a sign outside that said, "We Dominate Life."

Chris and I made fun of these people pushing the big tires, as we drove home and argued about who was eating who's fries out of the Jack n the Box bag.

One day, I decided to pop in this little gym and see what it was all about.

No tv's.
No mirrors.
No ellipticals.
No treadmills.

As soon as you walked in, your workout started.

Two guys run the gym and start giving you drills when you walk in the door. Plank for minute? Sure. When a good looking guy is asking you to plank, all of a sudden you can show how low your hips can go.

One day they had Big Holly do sets of jumping up on a box. Big Holly beefed it. And then died inside.

Anyway, the point in me telling you that I joined this gym is to simply say that I also quit. My trial period was over and going forward, it would cost $99/mo.

Since that $99 didn't include them coming to my house and knocking on my door when I was a no-show, I couldn't justify the price. And frankly, with two kids in daycare, I'm in the poor house.

In the meantime, I've been doing The Shred and taking my waffle legs to the stadium.

Here is my new favorite workout.

Here is ma-wahh afterwards. My skinny sister talked on her phone and watched me, so that I wasn't kidnapped.

 

 

This photo was after the sets of burpee's. Oh, hot dog, those were rough. But I hurt so good today.

 



Bragger McBraggerson

Let me preface this post by saying that I don't know much about baseball, or sports teams in general.

I especially don't have team loyalty, unless Team Aniston counts, which it totally should.

But my sister's husband plays for the Houston Astros, and while they might be the best-losing team in baseball right now, I can't pass up free tickets and family time.

Marwin really came through with good seats for us. Family section... Visitor bracelets that grant access to most of the indoor boxes and the player's club house.

I felt like I was on an episode of Baseball Wives, minus the weave and baby mama drama.

Have you ever played  "Batter and the Cup?" Basically, each person puts $2 in the cup to start the game. As each new person goes to bat, you have a chance of adding or taking money from the cup.

For example, if your batter strikes out, you add a dollar. If you batter gets to first base, you get a dollar... second base is two dollars.... third base is three dollars... If they get a home run, then you get the whole cup. With each new batter, you pass the cup to the person next to you.



After the game, we got to take an elevator down to the locker rooms and family/friend waiting area. It was fun to meet players that my sister has been gossiping telling me about for awhile.

We sat with the pitcher's parent's during the game. Afterwards, the pitcher came out of the locker room and gave a big hug and kiss to his mom. I couldn't imagine the joy that his mother must feel watching him play in front of 40,000 people.

We were also celebrating my brother's birthday. His middle name is Louis, after the St. Louis Cardinal's. He was on cloud nine all night.



When the Cards played a series in Houston, Noel flew him down to Texas and he was able to meet all of his favorite players. The first night he wore an Astros shirt to support my brother-in-law.... But then after the game, he was able to meet his favorite players. In every picture, he is covering his Astros shirt. To prevent the groupie embarrassment, we all wore neutral clothing.

And by neutral, I mean I didn't buy a baseball shirt, since they don't come in Team Aniston. :)

Late to the Party

I'm always the last one on the bandwagon... and usually the last one off...

Given points:

Hanson
Butterfingers
Arrested Development
Pinterest
Big Brother
Brita water pitchers
Cell phone insurance
Lip rings

Did I ever tell you guys about the time I had my lip pierced? That lasted for about 28 hours before I realized that it looked like I had herpes on my mouth. I wasn't a cute-girl-with-a-pierced-lip. I was the chubby girl who looked like she went binging with a sharp fork.

Anyway, I joined twitter this weekend. You can follow me HERE.

I'm also on instagram {hollystanfield} and pinterest, although I mostly just like browsing my feeds.

I hope you all are having a great Monday. I have a short work week, so Monday doesn't seem too bad. My younger brother and sister will be in town, so it's time for me to put on my Mama Bear hat stuff myself and hibernate and boss some kids around.

Cheers to all of you with First Child Syndrome. :)

Hubby Guest Post: Head of the Class

As school starts again, I reminisce about my time as a teacher.  Before I landed my current job, I worked as a substitute teacher for a few years and eventually got my own classroom. 

One of my favorite memories of student teaching was the time a student was supposed to give a presentation. He went up to the front of the class and farted then started doing a kicking robot dance….this was supposed to be a speech about a great American.  I’m still trying to figure out who that was, Benjamin Franklin perhaps…I don’t know how historically accurate that would have been. 

When I was a substitute, I would joking call myself the stepfather of teaching because I saw many parallels in the way students treated me.  I get it, the students probably didn’t like some new guy coming into THEIR room and telling them how to act.  Almost every day kids would say things like, “You’re not my real teacher, I don’t have to listen to you!” or “Stop sleeping with my mom!”  OK, not the second thing, but it was a pretty lonely life.  I did once have a scary 5^th grader tell me he wasn’t going to listen because I was “a grown-ass man doing a woman’s job”…that one cut me to the core. 

As a general rule for substitutes, asking the class to do anything but sleep or make-out was met with boos and protests.  Inevitably every worksheet or test I would hand out had already been taken last week.  (students think any adults are so stupid…but usually they are right)

Also, when you are a sub and the school is not extremely scary, every day is like a job interview.  At any moment the principal could walk in and see the room in utter chaos then throw you a look like, “Can’t you control these animals?... I mean come on, we’re giving you 80 whole dollars for the day.”  And I would give a look back as to say, “You know these kids are awful, the teacher not being here makes it worse, and I was only left with a worksheet they all lied about doing already, so I have nothing to do…sorry I’m not an expert in Chinese algebra.”

When I did finally have a long term teaching job, the thing that stuck out most to me was the amount of parents who would treat the teachers as therapists.  After the parents sighed through the student report, they would unload all of their own personal baggage on me.  The conversations would generally go like this.

-Teacher: Hello, Mr. Smith, your son threw a pencil in class today and hit another student in the head.

-Parent: Oh really, well I’m about to divorce my third wife because I’m having an affair with a beagle.  My boss yells at me a lot for talking on the phone at work and my son’s real mom is a Satan worshiper who put a curse on me so I can’t win the lottery, so that is why little Jonny is acting up.  Please, stop picking on my son.

-Teacher: Ok thanks.

As a teacher you find out that A LOT of people have no business raising kids, which is probably not a shock, but it’s sad to see exactly how parents can mess up a child first- hand.  Many parents think that teachers have some magic power that can make kids act human, they don’t.  In fact, many students’ see teachers as another authority figure out to make their life worse, because that is what they have come to expect from adults.  “Oh your child tried to burn the house down then robbed the liquor store, but you’re surprised I can’t get him to do this worksheet about turtles?”

Despite my joking, I really liked my time as a teacher and hope to return someday…not soon, but someday.

30 Day Shred: Day One

Please adjust the saturation on your computer. My whiteness is about to blind you.

Skinny girls, rejoice! Feel better about yourself today.

I started the 30 Day Shred. If I had a dollar for every time I've started, I would be able to afford some plastic surgery in a third world country.

If I do not put all my jelly out there, I never stick to my plan.

I did take pictures of the back, but frankly, no one needs to see my back bacon.

Day 1 Measurements:

Weight: 143.6 <--- This was lower, but I was a garbage disposal this past weekend.

Right leg: 19.5"

Left leg: 20" {See why I want your legs, Mama L?}

Waist: 29" {is this the part right below my sports bra?}

Hips: 40"

Bust: 34"

Left arm: 12"

Right arm: 12"

Cheers to drive-thru french fries and doing all of the abbreviated moves.

Annoying Votes

You know when people post on facebook... "Please vote for my mutant child to be Miss America?"... or "Please like my child's picture so that I can win a trip to the casino?"

I never vote.

I'm a bad friend like that...

But Chris is in a contest for some pinup he created for ReMIND... He is #24, if you would be so kind to vote for him HERE.

I've been a pain in his bee-hind this week. The guy deserves a good break. :)

Donka!

Childhood Kickball Anxiety

I mentioned last week that some friends and family were playing in a kickball tournament for the Children's Hospital.

{Amy,... Jake was awesome!}

Also I mentioned how I was never picked for kickball as a kid. Then I got to thinking that I probably never put myself out there. I was too busy eating four peanut butter and jelly's a day doing homework to ever care. It was too hard to be cool back then. At that time, being cool to me met taping all of the posters out of teeny bopper magazines to my walls and listening to Hanson music.

However, I chose to participate this time because the St. Louis food trucks were going to serving lunch. There is something about paying $10 for a taco made inside of truck that gets me hungry.

Our team arrived bright and early. Chris went on a donut run, because after all, I needed some carbs to run bases... or for that matter, to lift my 100lb right leg off the ground.

As I'm stuffing a donut in my face, I start to notice all of the athletic girls. It's a 9am charity event and these girls are in their booty poppin' shorts. I'm not hating... I'm jealous.

All of a sudden, I just started to panic. It was settling in that I was going to have to go up to base in front of my whole team, the opposing team of good looking guys, and the cute girls in the booty poppin' shorts. But I don't know any of these people, I tell myself, and hopefully they will all start drinking enough beer not to notice me either.

My biggest fear? That I was going to kick the ball and miss.... and that everyone could see my butt and leg dimples in my spandex pants.

Just as our first game was about to start, I notice a familiar face.

{cue the anxiety attack}

I'm getting all stretched out to kick my first ball. I have a feeling that I look just as awkward as I feel in front of all these people. I head out to the field when I notice that I went to high school with pitcher on the opposing team.

And not just any guy from high school, but I'm pretty sure he was Valedictorian and Captain of the swim team.

Do I have to remind anyone what I was like in high school?

So needless to say, that jr. high feeling of trying to be cool never goes away...

... At least not by 27.

C25K: Fat Girl Jog on the Treadmill

Like I mentioned before, I finished the C25K, but still couldn't get the 3.1 miles under 30 minutes.

That was until I decided to take the fat-girl jog to the treadmill. I set the speed, so that I couldn't fail. Forced myself to get it done under 30 minutes.

I'm pretty sure I was purple and panting for most of the day. My legs and bee-hind are still sore today. I headed to the track, but ended up doing the stairs because I'm still hurtin'. So worth it.

I don't know why getting under this time is so important to me.

I feel like if I can become a runner, then the top of my legs won't look like wet waffles anymore.

Just a hope.

Also hoping to have more progression pictures next week. Or winning the lotto and getting lipodissolve and calling it a day. :)

Stop and Smell the Roses Vlog with Special Guest Haven Stanfield

I'm linking up with Mandy today from the House of Rose blog. She does this bi-weekly vlog link-up where you just talk about happy things going on in your week.

1. Haven makes an appearance in his birthday suit.

2. I need to buy new makeup. Do you ever just want to dump out your whole bag of makeup and start fresh? Because certainly the makeup is the problem and not my face, right? :)

3. Happy Wednesday, friends!

Happy Randoms

My niece, Eliana, and Olive. The photoshoot ended when Olive started eating grass. :)

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This was taken at the Lake for Joan's birthday dinner. A dinner where there wasn't any pricing on the menu. A dinner where Joan requested ketchup for her filet mignon. A dinner where I died.

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This is my new phone cover... Or least it was until it was putting every call on speakerphone. Only $5.99 at one on those souvenir shops off the highway. My dreams of being Zach Morris slowly came to life for a moment.

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Went to the salon.... and had my hair colored "my natural color." I honestly don't know what is natural anymore, but I sorta like it, but at the same time I'm feeling a little Addams-family'ish this morning.

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We want to buy our neighbor's house. Let me rephrase that... I want to buy my neighbor's house {Botanical Garden's house}... and when I have a want, I know no bounds. It will be mine. {Sorry, no picture).

Last year we sold our godforsaken house and we've been leasing a home since. You can read all about the fiasco HERE. Our lease has been up, but we're still in limbo about where we want to live, how much we cannot spend, and yad ya yada.

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I want to find a real therapist.{I hope that made you laugh} My goal this week is to find a real-life therapist with a couch, like in the movies, and talk about all of my first world problems.

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Best Big Brother blog out there! Are you as obsessed with Frank as I am?! Sid Vicious's son?!

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That is all of the Holly stories I have today.

Happy Tuesday!

Hubby Guest Post: Home Alone

I went boating with Joan for her 50th birthday. Boozin' and ho'in all weekend. Not really. It was more like eatin' and loungin', with my internal 6am alarm keeping me in check.

Anyway, Chris kept the babies all weekend while I galavanted to the lake. He told me not to worry about anything, that they would miss me, and everyone would be alive when I returned.

Then you know what he did? He called his mom and sister to come down and help him. :)

{Thank you, Teresa and Stephanie}

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Holly went on a trip this weekend, which meant that I was promoted to #1 adult in the house.  When Holly called to check in, I made sure to have my list of accomplishments ready to let her know, I was running a tight ship.  After she told me all the fun things she had done, I told her how I did the laundry, dishes, broke up a knife fight, and performed a baptism all while keeping the kids playing with educational toys.

In reality, I treat these weekends as my own vacation too.  Not that I need a break from Holly, but that deep in my heart, I like to live like a pig in all sense of the term.

The weekend dinner kicked off with a trip to McDonald’s…WHAT!?!  We need energy if we are going to stay up all night doing Hooked on Phonics and knitting hats for orphans, they deserve to be stylish too.

I also picked up a pack of Angry Bird cupcakes in case someone with a birthday stopped by.

On to personal grooming...   When Holly is gone, the beard comes out!  Beards are macho, sexy, and really frame my face.  I don’t understand why Holly doesn’t like mine.  But I guess only having it every once in a while makes it more special, like the Olympics and Arby’s.

(No, that’s not: Jim from The Office/Hiccup from How to Train Your Dragon/ Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off/Shaggy from Scooby Doo. )

Our weekend activities included: Netflix, jumping on furniture, playing old school Nintendo, and going to Chuck E. Cheese.  Along with playing grease covered games, Chuck E. Cheese is an awesome ego booster because most people in there are mutants with terrible acting mutant children.  You walk out saying, compared to those people,  I’m attractive and a great parent.  Additionally, if your kid acts up, you can threaten to make him stand by the animatronic mouse…all kids are terrified of Chuck E.   Haven shined at the game “Toddler Whac” which sounds like it could mean several terrible things.

I’m sure all women wonder what their husbands really do when they are away.  The answer is our best…not your best. Ha.  We all know that the time with kids is fleeting, so why not splurge every once in a while and let them live their dreams...especially if you have the same dreams.

Wiggles and Jiggles

I've been going back to the track. I don't why I don't utilize the facility more-- it's just one block from my house.But if I'm being honest with you, I can only relax when my husband goes with me. I have this irrational fear of being kidnapped, at 27 years old.

I usually scope the stadium out pretty well, jog with one ear bud in case so I can hear someone come up from behind me, and check the stadium seating to see if anyone is hiding in the bleachers. I'm nuts. I sometimes beleive that at 140-something pounds, that I will be abducted and forced to live in a tent in the woods with gypsies and zoo animals.

So then I usually just sit at home and snack.

Anyway, here is a lovely, lovely photo after my jog last night. Took more than a minute off my time since last week.

I burned some calories, didn't get kidnapped, and cut some time. Successful Thursday night. :)

If you're trying to get in shape... there is an awesome group on facebook that is doing a weight loss challenge: Mama Laughlin's Fit Camp!

50 Wishes Box

My at-work bff {and pretty much my real life bff}, Joan, turns 50 today.

Her friend Gina and I wanted to do something over the top, but knew a party wasn't allowed. Joan hates attention. And not in one of those "i-am-going-to-tell-you-i-hate-attention-but-really-i-love-it" ways. Like, I know she won't speak to me if I try to pull a bunny out of a hat.

Anyway, the idea was to create this "50 Wishes" box, where 50 people send in a card or a letter for her to open from the box.

We got cards from work friends, family, neighbors, church friends, and even her oil change guy and dog groomer.

All of the cards were stamped in order from one to fifty and placed in the box.

Of course, you always have that one friend who gets an envelope too big for the box. Or the friends and family that you have to track down an hour before the box is due. :)

Joan thought I was coming over to help her paint last night. That was her first mistake. Instead, Gina and I show up at the same time with the "50 Wishes" box and a bag of Chinese food.

Looking at these pictures just makes me grin ear to ear. She was so happy, so moved, and felt so loved. The last card was from her oldest son, Jeffrey. He wrote her a letter titled "50 Reasons You're an Awesome Mom." A few of my favorites... "You made me and I am awesome,".... "Your ability to return anything without a receipt,"... "You spend 20 minutes setting Mouse Trap up for Aiden, even though he always quits half way through."....

Happy Birthday, Joanie. I love you. Boats n' Hoes this weekend.