Haven has been the center of our world and hearts since the day he was born. Yada yada yada.
After Haven was born, all of this guilt set in. I knew I was going back to work, so I wanted to build a bond with him. I couldn't even put him daycare because he was too precious. We paid someone to come to our house. For the first year of his life, we would lay down with him at every nap and bedtime.
Eventually, we had to let him cry it out in his room. I remember having to take a shower because it was too hard on me. I am laughing at myself type this out because I was so pathetic. Anyway, he got a toddler bed and started going to bed on his own.... and everything was great. Then we moved.
And he was scared. And I could relate because I am pretty much scared of everything. When I was younger, my sister and I got our own rooms, but I would cry for her all night until she came and slept with me. I was like 10, people.
So since we have moved, he has just slept with us. Our last house sold in six days and we have been leasing this one since. We had plans over the summer to buy the house next door and then she changed her mind. Now we are looking at March/April as our time frame.
What I should also mention, is that Haven and Olive share a room on the main floor with us. There is a finished room in the basement that is their playroom, but since our house is a shoebox and we all need to be on the same floor, this is our third dilemma. First being Haven has slept in our bed for the last 18 months and the second being he has to pinch the extra skin on my elbow to fall asleep.
So letting him cry it out isn't really an option. Olive Betty had a whole different Mommy, that I am sure she will pay big bucks talking about to her therapist one day. She has slept in her crib, alone, since the night we brought her home. She is also a touch-me-not, so I can definitely see the signs of mommy-didn't-hold-you-enough-as-a-child syndrome.
So we bought a big boy bed and Avenger's bedding to coax him into his room. He was excited, but not excited to sleep in there on his own. Nap time went OK... But I had to lay with him. Bed time? Not a chance. I tried laying in there with him because he was scared and kept talking about "witchezzz" and I was feeling sorry for him.
Then he started shooting me with his invisible bow and arrow... and dropping imaginary bombs on my head, so I stopped the pity and switched to annoyed. Which I know other people find annoyed too because I bought a car last month without a picture ID. They ran my credit report and let me test drive the car without one. Then when it came time for "delivery" they said I could pick it up on Monday when I found my DL. Then I cued Haven to do his imaginary killing scene... everyone was annoyed and I left with a car on promise that I wouldn't go to Mexico.
So yes, long story short. Co-sleeping failure over here.
Probably the only thing we can do is wait until we move this spring.... and find a doll with squishy elbows...
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If you find something that works, let me know. We've been co sleeping for about 2 years!
ReplyDeleteHolly, we may not have the same taste in decor but we sure as hell have this in common. Madison pinches booby skin to fall asleep and Oliver and I just had to sneak out of our bed and into her room to have baby making sex. Fail. well, the sex hopefully wasn't :)
ReplyDeleteMy hubs was totally adimit on no co-sleeping. That and the nurses scared the crap outta me. Anyways, we did the cry it out method super nanny style with our first and second and learned when we had the third. It works and makes mommy and daddy's happy that they can sleep a whole night without getting kicked in the head. The first night sucks but try it on the weekend and for the next house make a monster or witch vaccumn or spray. When the garbage goes out so do the night time trouble makers(monsters, witches, etc). Good luck
ReplyDeleteMy son slept with us until he was three. I was so sleep deprived. We would sneak off to his room to get it on. One day I told him that he could sleep on the floor next to our bed or he could sleep in his bed. He chose the floor for a week and then slowly started going to his bed. After that, he never slept with us again. I had to reclaim my bed. When my daughter was born she went to the crib and only slept with us one night. I know it's hard and heart breaking.
ReplyDeleteOh Holly, I feel for you! My children are THE WORST sleepers! They don't sleep with me, but I still have to lay with Cole till he falls asleep, and Drew does not put himself to sleep either! That's actually my post today, is how Drew must hate me! He was up every hr and a half last night! Although my boys don't share a room, their rooms are right next to each other, so Drew gets off the hook easy, and I don't let him cry, in fear of waking Cole up too! Everyday I think Ok, it's go time tonight....we're gonna get it right...NEVER HAPPENS! Maybe waiting till you move would be best....giving him his "new room" and making it a big deal! Hopefully that helps!!
ReplyDeleteOh my! Great post. We moved when I was FIFTEEN and my sister and I got our own rooms... I still made her sleep with me! ha!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure I told you this before, but when I was teaching Pre-school, I had a kid who would only take a nap if he could rub my earlobes. Weird. It got so bad I had to schedule my breaks around putting him to sleep or else he wouldn't nap and would wake everyone up. If I was off, forget it. No nap, horrible day. Although that part wasn't so bad because I wasn't there to deal with it! Haha. Hope you guys get some hubby/wife alone time soon!
ReplyDeleteyou are a better woman than me...even if my kids have to fall asleep in my bed, I move them ASAP. I want my bed to have no kids in it...and my husband is even at work at night. They just kick too much and Mommy needs alone time! Good luck with breaking him into the new bed! :)
ReplyDelete"a doll with squishy elbows".. i died. Maybe you could try getting him one of those stress balls? They have the sand or w/e with the rubber thing around it, kinda sorta like the same idea? Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI let Emma sleep with us ONE night and Ryan scared me into believing that since I caved, we would never ever get her to sleep back in her crib again. I haven't tried it since, even though I know he's being a complete drama queen. She also pinches my lower lip to fall asleep. Why are kids so weird?!
ReplyDeleteI didn't realize your kids share a room. Thats a whole different ball game where I can give you no advice. Except maybe hop in your delorian and go back to when your fisrt moved into your house and make him sleep in his own bed. I think girls are less cuddly by nature, Lily doesnt want me to even look at her most of the time let alone hold her and kiss her. And lastly, Nick sleeps down stairs while the rest of us are on the second level. I had enough mom guilt accepting he might be the first one taken if a freak robber broke into our house. He might hate me for it one day, but then again they will probably hate me no matter what one day.
ReplyDelete...Miss P has been crying at night, we put her in bed with us, and bam she is out like a light. I always SWORETOTHESLEEPGODS I would NEVER and I mean NEVER let any of our children sleep with us... then P came, THE BEBE OF THE FAMILY WOMP WOMP WOMP, and here we are... or should I say laying... 3AM, in a Queen sized bed, with a 6'4 grown man, a 20+ pound 5 month old who resembles (and wears) more of a 12 month old, and me... a petite 5'2 mama who realizes at this point in her life sleep is more important! For the love of all things HOLYYYYYYYYYYY WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE? Anyways... LOL
ReplyDeleteMy nephew, who I keep most nights, has to hold your hair while he sucks his thumb to go to sleep.....so I totally feel your pain. I have no clue how my sister is going to break that habit, I've suggested buying him am extension to wear at night, haha.
ReplyDeleteOh Holly, I'm sorry that the big boy bed transition did not go well. I had high hopes for you guys. I have no advice since I'm a selfish mommy who did not let my kids in bed with me. The couple of times that Emmeline has tried to sleep with us, she squirmed and kicked so much that I gave up and ended up taking her to the guest room bed so she could have more room. I love Amy's idea of letting him choose the floor or his bed.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a parent so don't have very much advice on the topic. But good luck with everything!
ReplyDeleteLauren is 14 months and sleeps with us..I tried the crying it out 3x - 6mo 9mo and 12mo
ReplyDeletesorry she has got stamina
and when you have to be at work in 2 hours and your kid is still screaming
oh my gosh
i have created a spoiled brat
i swore she would never sleep with us but you know what... she sleeps through the night!!
have no idea how we are going to transistion her....
and btw she must pull on my hair every time she goes to sleep
I did the same thing with my munchkin who is now 4. Part of her bedtime routine now is that I lay with her for 2 minutes. No more, (unless I'm feeling exceptionally cuddly) no less. She knows it too and doesn't ask for more than that. I actually enjoy it because it's a moment that I can just snuggle with her. Sometimes we just lay there quietly, sometimes we talk about her day, but when time is up, it's up and mommie leaves and she goes to sleep. Works like a charm.
ReplyDeleteOh, we totally let Savannah sleep with us until we moved and she got adjusted to the new house. I think that is perfectly fine.
ReplyDeleteLMAO, a squishy elbow dolls. You should invent them!!!!! Sorry its not going as well as you had hoped. But one day he will get a girlfriend and squish her elbow instead :-)
ReplyDeleteOh boy, you should put that house search in high gear! lol. Have you seen those boyfriend pillows? Ok, had to google it... http://www.overstock.com/Bedding-Bath/Dream-Man-Arm-Pillow/5894513/product.html?cid=202290&kid=9553000357392&track=pspla&ef_id=UMtGtwAACCtD4BZP:20130107180615:s. Check that out. Maybe you can get him one of those and let him squish the elbow on it. Probably not the same effect though. Good luck, girl!
ReplyDeleteCo sleeping isn't really such a bad thing if it's something that works for you and since he's still in your bed I bet there is just this microscopically small piece of you that doesn't mind co sleeping. Once you've had enough you'll form some sort of Holly intervention and it'll work like a magic potion because everything you touch turns to gold. You're an amazing mom and both of your children are delightful.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I wonder if giving him some Benadryl to get him drowsy and offering some sort of bribe could get him started on the sleeping in his own bed thing? Cookies and cupcakes for breakfast if he stays in bed?
Poor mama :( I can totally relate. Amelia is afraid of the "monsters" in her room - the only way she is sleeping in her own bed right now is because, with a stroke of genius - I told her that the stuffed hippo that grandma sunny gave her for xmas is solely to protect her from monsters - please god may I never lose that thing :)
ReplyDeleteUgh, good luck! Obviously I have no advice and fear I am heading down this road as well. All of a sudden she won't nap unless I lay with her and always has to be rocked to sleep. I feel as if there is some cry it out in our future...I just hate the idea! Stick with it! And send any ideas my way! ;)
ReplyDeleteMy youngest is in his room crying it out as I read this. It is horrible. Our oldest was in our bed till he was 5!! Crazy when I think back, anyway, I couldn't figure out how to move him, it was horrible, until we moved into a new house and then he was good to go. But in your case don't fall for the scared thing when you move, if it worked once he might try it again, stand firm. And Olive isn't messed up, each kid is different, my oldest is SUPER snuggly boy, the next is a don't touch me girl, third is a snuggly girl, and the fourth seems to be a normal amount of touch boy. =)
ReplyDeleteOh, and sharing rooms is hard but possible. My girls share a room and my boys share a room. Our oldest is 7 so we can just let him go to bed after the baby cries it out. I stagger the girls bed times occasionally cause they fall asleep faster if they are in the room alone. Goodluck!
Poor thing! Good luck girl!!
ReplyDeleteI sympathize with you, I really do not know how you handle it. I think I would try moving Olive Betty into a pack n play in the living room or something until Haven can learn to sleep in his own bed at night. Cooper still gets up 2-3 times per week in the middle of the night, but we always force him to sleep in his bed, sometimes it would be so easy to lift him into our bed so that we could all go back to sleep faster, but I just cannot do it. Maybe put Olive in her crib until it's Haven's bed time then move her out and put him in. I don't know, just a thought. I cannot imagine two kids sharing a room like that, especially one being a baby. Good luck lady, I know you'll figure it out!!
ReplyDeleteOMG Holly, I can so totally relate! A few weeks back, Cosmo kept howling in his crate at night and so finally Pete had to go down and yell at him and bang on the crate. Ugh. It was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo awful. Thank GOODNESS he stopped howling. :-P
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I realize that I'm going to pay for teasing you when I finally get Pete to let me have babies. :)
celibate smelibate!
ReplyDeleteBless the Lord, my kid is a solid sleeper. If she cries I make sure she isn't dying and tell her to go back to sleep. I'm a cold hearted S.O.B - but you should see me when I don't sleep.
ReplyDeleteI have co-slept with all 3 of my children and wouldn't change it for anything. Caleb still sleeps in our room but in a toddler bed. We TRY to make all 3 of them go to their own beds to sleep but they all end up in our room by morning and 2 of them end up in bed with us. I like it that way.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the new house hunt.
I know I shouldn't laugh at your pain, but I did a little. And then I yelled at my dog to go Night NIght. lol Keeping these stories will come in handy when you need a refresher for ways to torture him in Jr. High.
ReplyDeleteHubby and I aren't parents yet, so I can't relate by any means. But your writing is hilarious, and it sounds like your children are too!
ReplyDeletethehartungs.blogspot.ca
Will olive sleep in a pack n play? Maybe olive could sleep in your room til haven gets used to his bed! We had to put Ian's toddler bed in our room be ause the room sharing didn't work. One would always wake the other. But as long as he can see us he's fine. You need to find haven a different comfort item and go cold turkey. No more mommies elbow, no more mommies bed. Or give him the floor/bed option like a PP said. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteOh dear this post is identical to our situation! Carter started off in his bed but ended up with us over a year ago after a round of illnesses. We have tried everything as well. And baby Emma sleeps all night in her crib. You cannot snuggle her when she's sleepy... She wants her bed. Maybe there's a boot camp for kids to sleep alone?? :) we could get a two for one!
ReplyDelete