A few weeks ago, I posted about my brother's weight loss HERE. In the post he wrote, he mentioned his fiance Kayla. Well lucky for all of us, Kayla Layla has started her own blog HERE and instagram. Being the control freak that I am, I had to make sure she had a blog design and is introduced to all of my blog friends.
Not only is she funny as hell and has my same cleaning standards, she is also marrying Butkus, or who she lovingly refers to as Bradley. My brother's real name is Bradley after my father. But when we were little, my mom had to shave his head since my younger sister and I would pull his hair... and wahh-laaa.... he looked like Dick Butkus and it has stuck ever since? (no idea if this is the truth)
So Kayla is now marrying Butkus and into our bat-shit crazy family. God bless her. If anything, hop on over to her page out of pity.
In the meantime, Kayla Layla is here with a special guest post!
What's up super-cool party people?! I'm Kayla from over at It's Kayla Layla, guest postin' it up for my future sister-in-law and Fairy Blogmother Holly!
(Can you name drop with a photo? I think I just did.)
Holly has been a huge influence in my wanting to create a blog myself. I started out by creeping on her and all of her blogger friends, and felt like this was a community I definitely wanted to be a part of. Thanks to Holly and Chris, my blog looks perfect and now I get to
show off how funny I am share my story with all of you! I've never done a guest post before, so here goes nothin'!
As I (sort of) mentioned above, I'm engaged to Holly's brother. Holly and the rest of their family call him Butkus. I prefer to call him Bradley. Everyone has a different story as to why they call him Butkus, and they all take credit for it's origin. I just call him Butkus when he makes his squint-y face while trying to see without his glasses on. He just looks like a Butkus when he does it.
( Exhibit A: Butkus Face)
So, as I'm sure a lot of you know from following Holly's blog, Bradley recently lost 40 pounds by working out and changing his eating habits. He's also a Type 1 diabetic, so this drastically changed his blood glucose numbers and the amount of insulin correction he needed on a daily basis. I'm happy to say that I hopped on board the hottie train myself. I lost 20 pounds along with him and finally fit back into my skinny(ish) shorts again. I've tried making myself a runner, but it has never worked for me. I just can't get there mentally. So I did Jillian Michael's The Shred and walked my neighborhood with my dog, Chordelia. I also started planning our meals in advance for us and grocery shopping twice a month instead of eating out all the time.
(I need to improve my topless selfie taking skills)
Honestly though, I'm a little burned out with Jillian at this point. I'm so sick of hearing her tell me not to "phone it in." It makes me want to phone her right square in the face. So I'm in sort of a restructuring period we'll say with my fitness. I've put on 5 pounds since our vacation and my weight is a huge (pun intended) reason why I joined the blogosphere. I need people to connect with who share my struggles and who can both educate and support me in this journey. I've fallen off the wagon yet again. Pretty soon I'm gonna be too fat to get up.
I'm no stranger to moving up and down on the scale. At my heaviest, I was 260 pounds. It is so crazy to even say that because even at that weight, I never realized how big I truly was. Two years ago I lost 90 pounds after my Dad passed away. I had an incredibly tumultuous relationship with him, and all my life I hid behind my weight. His death helped me to move forward with my life and love myself and my body.
However, it is still a constant struggle. I gained back 40 pounds the first year Bradley and I were together. So I'm still 20 pounds away from where I was at my lowest weight. I'm also about 40 pounds away from where I'd love to be on my wedding day. We plan on getting married in May of next year, and I still haven't been able to bring myself to go look at, let alone try on any wedding dresses. I don't want to be a fat bride. I don't want my kids to see pictures from our wedding day and wonder why Mommy looks like a giant polar bear with sequins.
So I'm starting to get my shit together again. Getting my eating back in order is my first priority. I need to get back into the habit of planning our meals and grocery lists, and knowing everything I'm putting into my body. For someone as OCD as me, you'd think this would be a given. But my inner fat girl doesn't care about lists and orders when she's hungry. Just give her her Chocolate Lucky Charms and get the hell out of her way.
Unfortunately, losing weight and keeping it off isn't easy. If there was a magic solution for it, you can bet your ass I'd have it by now. And when you've been overweight all your life, there's a part of you that always remains a "fat girl" on the inside, regardless of your appearance on the outside. My struggles are an every day part of my life. But I won't give up. I might fall down, and fall down again, and then face plant. But I will always try until I finally get it right and someday my outward appearance will match what's on the inside.
(Lucky for Bradley, my inside appearance is identical to Angelina Jolie)